Sunday, A day of Reflection.

Since its Sunday and I should do something worthwhile other than read others blogs, the newspaper and watch TV, oh and eat! I thought I would reflect a little on the lesson that we had in RS today and admit that I am not the person I would like to be...or even close to it. The lesson was on trials and our attitudes toward them. As always Mary Jones gave a very insightful and beautiful lesson. She so good at getting people to open up and tell what ever it is she needs them too. I am sure its because she has done a good job of preparing and inviting the spirit to assist. But she does it and does it well! Anyhoo, I realized today, that I am a horrible person! All these women were saying at how they look at their trials as blessings, and say bring it on Lord, or I am truly loved by my Father in Heaven because he loves me enough to give me trials...the refiners fire! I HATE TRIALS! There I said it. I am not tough through them, I whine and complain and cry and ask why me? What did I do so wrong to deserve this? and when its over I am relieved I made it through and I am glad its over and CAN really wait till the next one. I don't look forward to them. The only positive is that I can look back and see the blessings and reflect on what I learned. But the actual trial no thanks! I can't even fathom the strength it must have taken for Joseph Smith to be the man that he was. To be able to live through the things he did and come out even stronger. I even wonder why it was necessary, what did he need to learn when the mob dragged him from his home and stripped him naked, tried to make him drink hot tar and when that failed, poured it all over his body? Hadn't he had enough persecution at that point? In his short life he went through so much! I think trials have to be for the next life too, because he didn't live long enough for those trials to have served him for the better in this life. Unless his trial are there for our example only and something to compare ours to. Well at least I am not covered in hot tar! See what I mean, I don't understand trials and I am not sure I will ever look forward to them. I guess I am destined for hell, if we need to endure them well! Thanks for listening (well...reading) to my deep seeded feelings of inadequacy.